125 days ago…

Unknown125 days ago I gave up drinking. Never a heavy or problem drinker, but a drinker none the less. It had taken me 2 years to take the leap yet once I decided nothing could stop me. I never saw myself on a Friday without an Apple Cider (Angry Orchard had me hooked!) or a celebration or a great day or long day. Drinking was MY go – to for so long, I stopped needing a reason. I often joked and wrote a poem, “Now I know why writer’s drink” to connect my writing with drinking and all the melodrama that surrounds the words trying to pour out of me. But all that changed 125 days ago. 

I  spent the last 7 months in glamorous & decadent Marbella, Spain – the beach playground for Europe’s chic & RICH. The whole time I kept feeling like a fraud because I was not a club girl nor rich nor a gold digger so I  was conflicted yet I loved the lush warmth, breathtaking views, glistening Mediterranean Sea and mouth watering food and I was alone.  Every day was a party or an opening or a show or a…. The list grew, but I didn’t so I knew I had to leave before I lost my soul. Here I was opening and expanding in my spiritual practice & business yet my secret was spilling out and I wanted to be free from the crutch I thought drinking provided me. So I left. 

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Once back in the States, I was happy to have my normal American apple cider but I knew it was a matter of time before the feeling  crept back in and I realized  I needed to stop in order to be all I knew I could be. On my knees I prayed, begged, bargained and lied to myself & my Spirit until I could see how much I “needed” it to function, to be happy, to have fun, to relax, the celebrate – what would I do? Who would I be? What would my friends think?  Something bigger than me had to help because this was my normal, this was my mother’s normal, my family’s normal – who could I turn to?  The something was God. I asked in my prayers to make it easy for me, the wanting, the habit, the store, the party and hanging out with my daughter. Who would I be? I wondered because I had been drinking since I was 13. I had given myself the date of August 22, one month after my 44th birthday and 3 weeks since my return to the States. It was a Saturday. Why did I do this, I asked myself as evening rolled in.  The funny thing was I saw how I had come to depend on drinking as my escape and outlet and in the same breath asked to be as clear as I could be as a Psychic Medium for myself and clients.

I remember about a week into my commitment, I felt lighter, clearer and my intuitive senses increased intensely – I REALLY felt I could read your mind and was amazed so I kept going. 1 week turned into 3 then 1 month and then another, I’m still in and counting.  

As the New Year approaches, I am grateful to share this  awakening, healing & miraculous journey with you. I look forward to my 150th day and can’t wait to dive in deeper to what 2016 will bring. I never thought I would write this or even say this, so here goes, “I don’t drink anymore”.

As I write this I am enjoying a non – alcoholic apple cider ( the REAL natural stuff!) knowing I am guided, guarded, protected & provided.  

Until next time beloved,  ask yourself -what’s holding you back? Are you willing to find a way to close a door as 2015 ends and 2016 rolls in?

I  thank you for following me, allowing me to guide you & being there for me – I love you & me that much. 

In Grace & Gratitude, 

Tonya 🔮

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Who are YOU with? “Spiritual Partnership – Your Divine Relationship”

Who are YOU? Not the you who is male or female, Latin or European, dark or light, daughter or son, but the you who is your Spiritual self, your “Isness”. 

The dreamer, the lover, the healer, the silly happy one, the visionary, the mystic.
Who are YOU? Who you are is defined by our relationships not only with others we are in born into, create, or work with, but also the one within us, and above us. Each person, connection or energy exchange is an opening of the self, another facet emerging from our heart. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is a reason, season or lifetime if an imprint is left, discovered or unveiled, it is a “Spiritual Partnership” – a union of Spirits.
Your Is-ness  is defined  by these relationships and who you allow yourself to be in them. As we go through our personal journey  of life and are afforded another day, more of we are emerges and either we’re hiding from our true selves or we are aligning it. Everyone in human form has  struggles, challenges, painful situations, loss and failure which inspires and motivates to continue moving forward until we leave this body or are taken from it. Life revolves around every relationship we have and it is up to us to decide if we allow it to be a blessing or battle. Being in relationships with others teach as external teachers while our relationship with our internal self is how we react based on whether we listen to our Spirit self or not. Is-ness is the Spirit self, the one that guides you, listens to you, and is based in your heart not your head. The one that is your present moment voice not of the ghosts of the past or  the future tripper. 
Spiritual partnerships are why we are here to evolve as human beings, it  is why we  create future generations to carry on love, lineage, and legacies. They can define or destroy depending on the perspective you choose to hold about what these connections bring to or through us. If we are willing to be committed to these connections, compassionate with others as ourselves,  allow Spirit to align within us, and accept the life we have,  then we can have happy, harmonious, and healthy encounters. 
 “Under [This]  teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson of love.” 
A Course in Miracles
The many masks  we wear in life are often how we identify ourselves, the work we do, our culture, our ethnicity, or sexual nature yet it is our Is-ness, our spiritual selves that our depth, love, intuition, judgments, pain & fear reside. The masks  become  shields to hide the parts we don’t want to reveal, hold shame, embarrassment or wounds.  The commitment it takes to connect to your Is-ness, others, and  Spirit is  against what you have been conditioned away from therefore it is courage that pushes you toward it.  Courage means “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery” thus removing the masks requires a level of commitment.  
Where are you holding yourself back? Where are you afraid to shine? What’s really stopping you? 
The reasons why, the excuses, the distractions become tools we use to keep the comfort of compliance, to stretch the Self would feel like a betrayal yet here is where courage can step in and push you beyond the comfort. 
A quick check in exercise to determine your level of connection, courage and commitment is T. A. P. (Time. Attention. Prayer.) if you feel apprehensive or afraid this simple exercise will allow the truth to be revealed. Give yourself a timeout by closing your eyes, taking a few deep breaths then ask the above questions, allow what comes without editing yourself.  Being truthful to yourself allows your Is-ness to shine and Spirit to reveal itself to you, as well as, connects you to a deeper understanding of your commitment. Here is where you can decide if you are courageous enough to be compassionate with yourself as you are others.  Oftentimes compassion is extended without consideration for the Self yet we want and ask for compassion from the Universe thus in becoming compassion with the Self is the beginning of spiritual partnership. 
“Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.”
— Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The next spiritual partnership is allowing Spirit to align within by listening to the inner guide, your Is-ness, where  intuition,  authentic self, and love reside. Willingness with courage is commitment and it is here that you set yourself up for success with persistent practice of compassion. Affirmations, mantras, and positive self talk are a crucial part of this practice. Begin the day with this easy mantra and allow life to shift accordingly, “because I love myself, I forgive myself. Thank you God !” (Universe, Higher Self, Holy Spirit – use what connects and appeals to you.) When you feel out of alignment, have judged yourself or others, or spoke negatively about yourself use this mantra to re-align you with your Is-ness. Re-aligning  with this practice creates an opening where healing happens and you become centered with your authentic self and is an act of compassion. 
“Be thine own palace, or the world’s thy jail.”
— John Donne
 
We are either setting ourselves up for a battle or a blessing with every thought, action, and reaction to situations, circumstances or experiences. Life is full of challenges and obstacles which grow  or “grave” (inner dying) you. The popular TV show, “The Walking Dead” is full of zombies preparing for the apocalypse yet in reality how many people are walking around in the flesh but not in the Spirit?  That is the real walking dead, living without really living because the mind is caught up in the doom instead of the bloom. Everyday we get to breath is a new beginning and blessing yet many times it is seen as a struggle or curse. 
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that is why we call it the present.”
 Science of Mind Magazine, Nov. 2014
If you’ve ever had the experience of watching someone come to the end of their life, you would see all,the missed opportunities that slipped through the fingers, the chances not taken, reasons to love instead of  judge or hate oftentimes the last breathe is the surrender because the realization that this life is over has become the truth. 
your Is-ness wants to bring you back to life and all you have to do is be willing and ready to let of the “stuff” that keeps you back, stuck or afraid. We are often disappointed or hurt by things that don’t deserve our power or energy yet we have convinced ourselves that it does. You can either choose healing or hurting. Hurting is always related to the past yet we bring it to,the present by dwelling in it. Bishop T.D. Jakes said it best, “don’t let your history dictate your destiny.”  we are the only one to determine what we create yet is through aligning with Spirit our Is-ness is able to be heard. When you feel out of alignment or afraid a simple practice to use is W.A.I.T., “What I Am Thinking?” to stop and ask that questions allows you to make a conscious and compassionate evaluation of whether you are aligning or denying. Try it the next time you feel something has shifted your Is-ness. 
“God is not the author of fear. You are.” A Course in Miracles
To take for granted means to literally not see what you have right now. How many times do you wish or want another life or someone else’s experience of life? It is easy to get caught up in the vision we see of others lives yet we have no idea what steps where taken, shortcomings or failings, loss or gains it took to get to the point you see. Perception is the way you think or understand someone or something, the ability to notice something or understand easily yet the scope we see is limited to our experiences. Wishing and wanting takes power and sabotages every dream because it already implies you don’t have which is a lacking mentality. Judgment is synonymous to perception because judgement is based on what we see with our outer eyes not inner truth.  The practice to heal judgement and biased perception is what I call the  “K.I.S.S. method”, “Keep It Simply Spiritual”.If we can allow ourselves to see with spiritual  instead wanting, pained,  or envious eyes life begins to heal in amazing ways because we can begin to accept the life we have with gratitude. 
“Spirit works on a full-time basis.” Iyanla Vanzant
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When the life we are given is accepted it blossoms, brightens, and is blessed.  The Spiritual partnership created becomes happy, harmonious, and healed yet it takes courage, compassion, and commitment, “when the student is ready the opportunities, teachers, and experiences align” which in turn becomes a moment by moment belief . Lastly, anything that is becomes a belief  must first be a practice then a habit which creates the feeling of trust in the worth or that something is good, right, and valuable. 
Life is full of spiritual partnerships and all we have to do is be willing to experience them first within ourselves as Is-ness, others and with Spirit. 
“The diamond cannot be polished without friction nor man perfected without trials.” 
Chinese Proverb

Pearls of Wisdom

Within you is many Universes, planets and dreams. 

All your flawed pieces strung together like pearls,

each another lesson learned,

its radiance revealed under time and pressure. 

Years of irritation revealing its vibrant

gifts of  beauty, hope & brilliance. 

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Savor each piece of wisdom

gained from the

constellation of lifetimes lived in one.

Indwelling is all the power, love and guidance

needed to open to the world unafraid. 

What if…

What if we see fear for what it is. 

A Stealer of Joy. 

A Master of Disguise. 

A Riddler of Words.

A Know it All.

A Greedy, Selfish Bully.

A Liar.

A Cheat.

A Thief.

 An un-Real Character, 

we create

in our minds. 

Name YOUR fear______

Now say it out loud be DONE with it!  Tell it “YOU have NO POWER over me ANYMORE!!

It is done, feel it shrinking away and dissolving into the nothingness it came from.

See how powerful you are. 

Repeat when necessary.

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Cycles of Life

Recently, I experienced another death (transition I like to call it) and it changed me. My spiritual path & work as a teacher, healer and psychic medium allows me  to speak to those who’ve crossed over so I’ve had experiences that teach me more than just about the world, but also myself. The changes I’ve experienced since this last death have opened me and my eyes in ways I can’t or couldn’t explain in simple ways.

Life affords us many opportunities to get to know others, but ultimately ways to know ourselves better. Sometimes the time it takes  time to understand life’s lessons through challenges, obstacles or changes bring us to our knees only to bring us to whole other playing field, I’ve heard it said that sometimes the block/bump/blunder is the boost we need to put us in the right direction and this I know to be true.

The most important thing i recognize is it in HOW you choose to look at things, I find myself closing my eyes more and more to hear from my heart instead of my outer eyes. I see with different eyes the pains, fears and troubles around me, the world and keep my steadfastness knowing Who walks beside me now more than ever.  I could complain, judge or condemn yet i chose to see with love because when i was in pain, hurting myself because i didn’t know what else to do I recognize it and remember once upon a time that was me.

I believe we experience many deaths and re-births in our lifetimes, but only if we are aware that in order for something to change we must let go and allow it. I find it fascinating often times people want things in life to change – relationships, finances, life yet are unwilling to change! It’s easier to remain the same, doing the same, and having the same than do something different. We often wish for a magic wand to come and save us, pray to God to help us, and expect another to heal us instead of taking the responsibility to do it for ourselves. This is what a rebirth is, death of the old, outdated and out worn.

In the more than 7 transitions I’ve experienced within the last year and as my birthday approaches, I am dying, The old me; filled with fears, doubts, worries and ‘why me’ is fighting hard to keep me the same yet like the mystical & mythical Phoenix I rise reborn and ready for the next new beginning, the next layer of who I thought I was to be peeled off, and the ME I’ve always wanted to be emerging. Once upon a time I couldn’t have ever imagined she would come to life yet here I COME!!

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Answered prayers

Prayer is a part of my daily life not only as a spiritual practice, but as a way of life. Understanding the meaning, purpose, and practice of praying has opened, healed, and transformed me because it allows me to commune with my inner wisdom. The God of my understanding has given me opportunities to become the person, woman, teacher, healer, and writer that is within. 

Everyday i allow myself to learn something new as a part of my evolution. One of the most important is understanding the inner guidance prayer provides. It is in the willingness new ideas, opportunities, and experiences present themselves as answered prayers. We are upon a new beginning with the Solar eclipse, super new moon, Spring equinox as it ushers in the freshness of newness that comes with this time before Easter. Now is the time to decide what needs to be let go,  be cleared, cleaned, and revived. Be gentle with yourself now and set intentions knowing your answered prayer awaits. Set it, trust in it, and set it free – the Universe will do the rest so have faith your dreams & prayers deserved to be made manifest. 

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