125 days ago I gave up drinking. Never a heavy or problem drinker, but a drinker none the less. It had taken me 2 years to take the leap yet once I decided nothing could stop me. I never saw myself on a Friday without an Apple Cider (Angry Orchard had me hooked!) or a celebration or a great day or long day. Drinking was MY go – to for so long, I stopped needing a reason. I often joked and wrote a poem, “Now I know why writer’s drink” to connect my writing with drinking and all the melodrama that surrounds the words trying to pour out of me. But all that changed 125 days ago.
I spent the last 7 months in glamorous & decadent Marbella, Spain – the beach playground for Europe’s chic & RICH. The whole time I kept feeling like a fraud because I was not a club girl nor rich nor a gold digger so I was conflicted yet I loved the lush warmth, breathtaking views, glistening Mediterranean Sea and mouth watering food and I was alone. Every day was a party or an opening or a show or a…. The list grew, but I didn’t so I knew I had to leave before I lost my soul. Here I was opening and expanding in my spiritual practice & business yet my secret was spilling out and I wanted to be free from the crutch I thought drinking provided me. So I left.
Once back in the States, I was happy to have my normal American apple cider but I knew it was a matter of time before the feeling crept back in and I realized I needed to stop in order to be all I knew I could be. On my knees I prayed, begged, bargained and lied to myself & my Spirit until I could see how much I “needed” it to function, to be happy, to have fun, to relax, the celebrate – what would I do? Who would I be? What would my friends think? Something bigger than me had to help because this was my normal, this was my mother’s normal, my family’s normal – who could I turn to? The something was God. I asked in my prayers to make it easy for me, the wanting, the habit, the store, the party and hanging out with my daughter. Who would I be? I wondered because I had been drinking since I was 13. I had given myself the date of August 22, one month after my 44th birthday and 3 weeks since my return to the States. It was a Saturday. Why did I do this, I asked myself as evening rolled in. The funny thing was I saw how I had come to depend on drinking as my escape and outlet and in the same breath asked to be as clear as I could be as a Psychic Medium for myself and clients.
I remember about a week into my commitment, I felt lighter, clearer and my intuitive senses increased intensely – I REALLY felt I could read your mind and was amazed so I kept going. 1 week turned into 3 then 1 month and then another, I’m still in and counting.
As the New Year approaches, I am grateful to share this awakening, healing & miraculous journey with you. I look forward to my 150th day and can’t wait to dive in deeper to what 2016 will bring. I never thought I would write this or even say this, so here goes, “I don’t drink anymore”.
As I write this I am enjoying a non – alcoholic apple cider ( the REAL natural stuff!) knowing I am guided, guarded, protected & provided.
Until next time beloved, ask yourself -what’s holding you back? Are you willing to find a way to close a door as 2015 ends and 2016 rolls in?
I thank you for following me, allowing me to guide you & being there for me – I love you & me that much.
In Grace & Gratitude,