Once upon a time I was a people pleaser, unsure of what I wanted and felt like a victim. My fatherlessness, nomadic and abusive childhood was my badge and barrier to the world leading me to a self imposed prison of bad relationships with men, indebtedness, and big ol’ FEARS! I felt I had been born into the wrong family, at the wrong time and my circumstances would never get better because I was not good enough. The prison I created began very early in my teen years, self loathing, drug & alcohol abuse and hate walls. Life was against me so I escaped into books. I was an avid reader because it provided me a means to escape the world I lived in. I read abut the world, racy romance, animals, nature as young adult novels did not appeal to me, I had grown up fast.
I tested the limits of life in every way possible until I became a mother and went to university, again books opened my mind and life to new experiences and ways of viewing the world. Something in me wanting to emerge yet this time I had someone else to think about so I focused on me, my daughter and finishing college, a fire had been lit within me to be a writer. My prison was grew even more now as I was a single mother, college student – “who did I think I was to believe I could be a writer?” So I got a job and lived the life I was “supposed” to.
Then one day something in me began to whisper “what are you doing with yourself? Who do you want to be?” What are you waiting for?” That whisper changed my life. The life I was living was not mine, it was fear.
Slowly, something new emerged and I saw the walls around me and knew I would never be the same person.
I began to see with different eyes and the walls began to crack, fear was clinging to me for dear life yet I saw the light beyond the walls. I could write every detail of what I went through or I can tell you what got me where I am today by why? I knew then I HAD to go through every single experience I did to get here – the good, bad and ugly.
I am still co-creating my fairy tale by living the happy NOW. Are you living in your past, letting pain and fear write your story or are you creating a better story regardless? My once upon a time stories will only get better and better because now they are created from a place of love. I truly believe each of us decided before we came here to have the lessons, experiences and circumstances in order to teach us what we did not learn previously and that it is up to us to learn in this life time or the next. Because I am a fast learner I am ready for my happily ever after.
